He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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