is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
