You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
