dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
