Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
