So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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