when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize