dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
