My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We are two peas in an std pod
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
