my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize