so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
