you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize