Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
