walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
