i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
