Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As shirtless as possible
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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