Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
