the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize