Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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