im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
