So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
