Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
