I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
