two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
