hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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