i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
