His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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