You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
