She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
