a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
