You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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