i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
