I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You made out with two different species that night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
