we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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