So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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