This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
