No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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