So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
