So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
