I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
