was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
