Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're like the curious george of whores
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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