What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
