you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
