I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
