looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
