P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
