oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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