Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
