She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
