Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
