is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
