I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
