He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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