thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
