hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
