im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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