The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
