i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
