you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize