i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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