he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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