Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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