Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
