My Higher Power is John Stamos
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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