He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
