Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
