i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
