My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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