Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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