he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
