But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
